At 20 years young, I was indulging in a Parisian spring for "study" abroad. By fall, I was back at college, anxiously counting down the days until I would be 21, like all of my friends.

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But in attempting to create an emotional buffer, other problems creep in: unaddressed subtext, the lack of physical cues your gut needs to feel yes or no, online image curation and a blank screen on which to project any issue you have The tech that makes the pre-date possible may be modern, but the underlying driver is positively antiquated. You see, pre-dating suggests that once you go on a date that confirms mutual romantic and sexual interest, then it's Real Serious. And heaven forbid the monolithic talk about Being In A Relationship. If you really want to update your view on love relationships, understand that they are never set in stone.

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Or ever anticipated the opening of a new restaurant, but once you finally get a table, food and the services proves to be sub-standard to say the least? You plan your outfit, the perfect location, even the best time of day.


When you're going on a date with someone you've never met before — whether that's someone you met on a dating appa friend of a friend, or a totally blind date — it's normal to be a little nervous and worry that things won't go well.

Put safety first

After all, who's to say you'll even have an IRL connection with this total stranger? But it's important to remember that first dates don't necessarily have to be cause for stress: even if it doesn't turn into a second datethat's OK! Of course, it's great if you and your date hit it off and form a connection right away — but pre dating tips you don't, you shouldn't sweat it. Dates are just an opportunity to meet someone newhave fun, or, at the very least, learn something about yourself like what you don't like in a date.

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Here are nine expert tips that can help any first date go a little smoother Don't let your date pressure you into anything and have an escape like an alarm set like a ringtone ready if you need it. A setting that has a fairly low noise level is a good idea so that conversation can flow smoothly.

Oh, and there are reasons for pre-dating:

Don't get hung up on small things and keep the big picture in mind. You can always decline the next date if you don't sense any chemistry. Jump right in there with the big questions you want answers to — who are they as a person and do you guys have anything in common?

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Another trick for starting a convo with your date? Plus they are great ways to share YOU and how you work if told correctly. Plus they can help you see who the other person is sitting across from you.

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AlperovichM. What ends up happening is that you are essentially trying to pitch yourself to the other person. Let the other person pitch to you.

1. be with someone who values communication

If you try to fit yourself into some arbitrary box for the other person, you end up losing yourself in the process. Prioritize your needs, no one else will do that part for you. You have every right to feel safe while dating, whatever that means to you. Do what you need to feel physically, emotionally or mentally safe, and do it unapologetically.

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Those who are a good match will be respectful and understanding. Do I have food in my teeth? Do I seem nervous?

10 dating tips you should know by the time you're 20

Am I talking too much? Get all of that in check before you walk into the date.

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This will allow you to really focus on how you feel when you are with this person. If it doesn't feel enjoyable, don't torture yourself.

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Dating should be the process of getting to know someone you find attractive. It shouldn't be a chore.

You can use it to discover new spots in your town, to make a new friend, to show off a new outfit, or to learn about yourself. Whatever the purpose, it is FOR you, so only do it if it is something you want to do and can have fun doing.

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Can it be scary to put yourself out there and go on a date with someone you've never met? Of course! But as long as you set realistic expectationsstay true to yourself and what you want, and try to have fun, there's nothing to be afraid of — and who knows, you might even find love in the process. By Laken Howard.

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