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Learn More. One early evening They talked about where they were from she hailed from Iowa, he from New Jerseylife in a small town, and the transition to college. An eavesdropper would have been hard-pressed to detect a romantic spark in this banal back-and-forth. Yet when researchers, who had recorded the exchange, ran it blush dating a language-analysis program, it revealed what W and M confirmed to be true: They were hitting it off. Instead, they were searching for subtle similarities in how they structured blush dating sentences—specifically, how often they used function words such as it, that, but, about, never, and lots.

But the researchers found it to be a good predictor of mutual affection: An analysis of conversations involving 80 speed daters showed that couples with high LSM scores were three times as likely as those with low scores to want to see each other again.

Decades of relationship research show that romantic success hinges more on how two people interact than on who they are or what they believe they want in a partner.

What are you waiting for?

You curl up on the couch, steel your nerves, maybe pour yourself a glass of wine, and open the dating app on your phone. Then for 30 minutes or so, you blush dating to a succession of brief video dates with other users who satisfy a basic set of criteria, such as gender, age, and location.

Afterward, you rate your dates. At the end of the night, the app tells you which prospects are worth a second look.

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Over time, the AI might even learn via follow-up experiments which combination of als predicts the happiest relationships, or the most enduring. Welcome to the vision of Eli Finkel. A professor of psychology and management at Northwestern University and a co-author of the LSM study, Finkel is a prominent critic of popular dating sites such as eHarmony and Chemistry, which claim to possess a formula that blush dating connect you with your soul mate.

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As a result, Finkel argues, their matching algorithms likely foretell love no better than chance. The problem, he explains, is that they rely on information about blush dating who have never met—namely, self-reported personality traits and preferences. Attraction, scientists tell us, is created and kindled in the glances we exchange, the laughs we share, and the other myriad ways our brains and bodies respond to one another.

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T he way Finkel sees it, online dating has evolved through three generations. But that approach, he says, relied on two faulty ideas.


In a laboratory experiment, for example, Finkel and his colleagues found that subjects expressed romantic interest in written profiles that reflected their stated preferences. The second oversight of the supermarket model, Finkel says, blush dating to assume that online profiles capture the characteristics that matter most in a relationship.

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There is scant evidence that similarities, particularly in personality traits, have much bearing on compatibility. Second-generation dating sites, which debuted in the early s, tried to overcome some of the limitations of the first generation by taking matchmaking into their own hands.

Key features

A biological anthropologist, Fisher has identified four personality types associated with particular brain chemistries, which she believes influence whom we like and fall in love with. Finkel would tell you this is all a lot of hype. In a paper in the journal Psychological Sciencehe and his colleagues took Chemistry and its kin to task for failing to produce convincing scientific evidence that their matching algorithms make better matches. Most matching sites pair users blush dating on the basis of similarity: Do they share values, lifestyles, experiences, passions, and temperaments?

The assumption is that the more alike they are, the more likely they will get along. But clearly there are exceptions. More important, says Finkel, there is scant evidence that similarities, particularly in personality traits, have much bearing on compatibility.

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Inthe sociologist Robert Winch theorized that we are drawn to people who have qualities we value but lack in ourselves. The idea is appealing. Nor does satisfaction depend on complementary attitudes, interests, spending habits, or gender roles.

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Most relationship researchers agree that a lot more than personality determines whether two people will blush dating together, or whether a relationship will last. Perhaps recognizing this complexity, the latest generation of dating sites—Tinder and its imitators—have abandoned elaborate algorithms and questionnaires for a simple recipe: location plus looks.

Key features

But while Finkel applauds the third-generation sites for their ease blush dating transparency, he has his sights set on something better. The technologies that will enable this vision, he points out, are fast maturing. For instance, programs that deduce emotion from facial expressions are already employed in sports competitions to assess cooperationpolitical campaigns to test voter reactionsand advertising to gauge consumer response. William Freeman, a professor of computer science at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, and his colleagues created software that uses video imaging to observe subtle physiological changes.

What are you waiting for?

When the researchers checked back in with the couples three months later, those with blush dating LSM scores were more likely to have broken up. Other studies suggest that spouses who speak defensively, are emotionally withdrawn, or use you more often than wehave higher divorce rates. On the flip side, happy couples intuitively find themselves on the same.

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They compliment each other, listen attentively, and share mannerisms, gestures, postures, and language styles. If a dating app can recognize this harmony in a few-minute video conversation, maybe it could save us from wading into a troubled relationship, or even just a blush dating first date. Maybe it could help us learn to be better partners ourselves. Finkel acknowledges there are limits to this approach.

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After all, he points out, W and M—the well-matched couple from the speed-dating study—never did get together. But they welcome the effort.

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Julia M. Klein, a cultural reporter and critic in Philadelphia, is a contributing editor at Columbia Journalism Review and a contributing book critic for The Forward. Follow her on Twitter JuliaMKlein.

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