Ever since the beginning of the pandemic, my single female friends have been more active on dating apps and dating sites. A couple of them have even had the horrible experience of being sexually harassed by men who objectified them rather than viewing them as full humans. There seems to be a pervasive belief that men have a harder time with dating, especially in the context of dating apps.

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in. Additionally, not settling, being demanding, and generally having high standards are often framed as being high value behaviors, but the flip side to that is a lot of loneliness, frustration, anxiety, and time wasting.


However, in a world where we make two-second decisions to pursue someone or not based on a profile picture, and finding a life partner is like online shopping for a pair of shoes, our standards and expectations have drastically changed over time.

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Has online dating made us judgmental I wondered, in my best Carrie Brhaw tone? And even worse, is being judgmental hurting our love lives?

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But there is a huge difference between not settling and being too picky. However, chasing the idea of what your ideal person could be is not the same as settling for who someone already is.

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Remember that no matter what, love requires compromise. In a good relationship, compromise will feel equally reciprocated and will make you better in the long run.

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But if someone has all the qualities that matter the most to you, why not give them a second date? All-or-nothing thinking is a red flag that your expectations might be too high.

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Dating should be enjoyable, not an interview process. It happens!

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Real life does not include a flawless Prince-Charming or a Happily Ever After once the wedding is over. No matter who you wait for, they will have flaws that irritate you, and a lifelong relationship brings fights that challenge you.

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Instead of waiting for a perfect person, or even a perfect relationship, look for a perfect love. There are the big things that should matter to you, based on what you know you need to be happy: a good sense of humor, a kind heart, family values, similar religious beliefs.

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Even if you think your goal is love, past hurt or present fears might be stopping you from finding relationships. Take care of yourself, make whatever changes you need to get what you want out of life, and stop being so picky but keep not settling.

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